The Book of Ephesians:
Have been reading through Ephesians and have come to realize a few things. These things I have actually been struggling with for quite some time now.I have just been placing them on the back burner so to speak hoping that they would just go away. My quiet time with God has been anything but quiet. I would make every excuse in the book to not have to sit down and actually read the word. I would pray throughout the day, mainly for strength but never really fully cried out to him or tried to have a conversation so to speak. Its as if I am afraid and overwhelmed with what could come of it.
I have a really hard time allowing God to speak to me. I have always asked Big Papa J (BPJ) what it was like and how I can achieve this. But now realize it’s my own fault, my own fear. There is a sense of unworthiness and I know better, just like it was explained about Paul being a murderer and how God loves him the same I still feel unworthy.
I found comfort in reading Ephesians. I have read through Ephesians before but never prayerfully. Ephesians 2:8-10 really hit home for me:
“God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this: it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s Masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so that we can do good things he planned for us long ago.”
I have always felt I needed to earn God’s favor but in fact, it is a gift, a gift that is worthy to be revered and praised through all we do by showing kindness and love.He has a plan and a purpose for everything. I know this, I have always known this I guess I was and possibly am just trying to figure out why I have gone through some of the things I have gone through because I feel like the end result is truly just an angry bitter me.I realize I need to let go and let God take control. I’m praying about this. I ask that you pray for me too. To help me let go of the anger and fear I feel and to just FORGIVE and let God take control. I know he has a plan and I feel like its time to accept it.
I hope this makes sense. I feel like I rambled. Thank you for taking time out to read this.